would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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