Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
