I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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