My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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