I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you win again, gameday.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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