My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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