she was so not down for the gang bang
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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