I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
