I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
