I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
