ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
