end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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