i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I've blown a few things in my day
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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