I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
