i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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