You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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