My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
