How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
