Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
