The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
