i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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