u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
