we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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