You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize