Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My pussy is not your playground.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
