and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
im holly from the hills drunk
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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