Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize