Apparently you make a good broom.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
