upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Who died my cat blue again?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
