return my video game
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize