I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Your dad touched me again.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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