If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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