I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
