Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
