Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
