I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
