omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
