but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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