If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
