That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
