he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
