watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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