he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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