some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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