He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
