So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
