dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
