I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
