I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
