Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
