This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
