just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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