I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
