YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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