wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
