Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
