it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
