Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
