i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You took a bar mat shot.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
