I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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