We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
