Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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